Advice Column Vol. #2
Written by Kate, edited by Willow
"Dear Advice Columnist,
Where I live, summer is here. But without school, I have nothing else to do. How can I not be bored?"
-Bored
Dear Bored,
Summer gets a big build-up. After all, if you are used to being hooked into the structure and routine of school, no matter how much you kick against it while it’s happening and dream of lazy days in the sun, sometimes the reality can feel like a let-down. Or you may feel like Harry Potter stuck in his room at Privet Drive, counting the days he can get back to Hogwarts.
Maybe the fact we’re all adjusting to a post-pandemic world could be adding to this? Again, the actuality is not what people might have hoped for - say, if their flight has just been cancelled for a holiday abroad they have set their hopes on for two years.
First off, many others have been in your shoes before (and I have been there myself, believe me. My mother will tell you, even now, how much I disliked weekends and holidays when I was an adolescent and far beyond, because unstructured time felt so empty. And I have ADHD so boredom can be literally intolerable).
However, try to cut yourself some slack while you adjust to the change of pace. Just not so much you end up in the Br’er Rabbit ‘loungin’ around and sufferin’ mindset where whole days pass uneventfully, and then ‘pouf’! Summer’s over. Again, I have been there and did not like the feeling that I had basically done it to myself. Not to say we have all done it at times, but I had it down to a fine art.
If you want an excellent description of boredom, I can recommend Nancy Mitford’s novel ‘The Pursuit Of Love’. Her account of teenage Linda waiting for THAT phone call is both funny and poignant with its nostalgia for whole days spent dreaming and longing for time to pass.
Different life stages definitely amplify our attitudes towards time. As children and students in the ‘seventies’ and ‘eighties’ my friends and I often joke about the boredom that was a fact of our daily lives. Especially during the summer. I was too much of a nerd to join the gang who went to Glastonbury: I am sure they get recognition for it now!
Time speeds up when you age - you realise you have less of it and more you want to do and achieve, if you’re lucky and have found a purpose. It’s never too early to take the steps that might help you identify your values and vision for your current and future goals. Now I love gaps of free time where I have the luxury of nothing or no-one planning it for me.
Maybe you could write a brief note to your future self about what you’d like them to know about this time of your life. I have had a lot of fun reinventing my teenage self with slipstream writing based on my memories of ‘nineties road movies like ‘Wild at Heart’ where I (played by Juliette Lewis) got my man (Nick Cage). Journalling in whatever way that catches your fancy will help you remember how you felt and may be a source of future inspiration.
Boredom can also be a spark for creativity. I think it’s known as the ‘fertile void’ in Buddhist practice. David Bowie’s iconic Ziggy Stardust (50 this year) emerged from his alter-ego’s desire to escape from the drudgery of his teenage suburban existence in North London. He felt like an alien in the world around him and reinvented himself into one.
You may also be at a stage in your life where your options feel limited by what represents an unattainable freedom of opportunity: money, transport, internet access, opportunities and lack of a tribe to hang with. Family routines and expectations may also be a part of this. Also, comparing your situation to what your friends and peers are getting up to may or may not feed the FOMO beast. That’s natural, especially when social media makes other peoples’ lives look so glam.
So, based on my lifelong efforts wrestling the ‘too much time on my hands’ beast, give yourself around a week to adapt to the new routine and make some plans.
Definitely connect with friends in the same boat to remind yourself you’re not alone. A note of caution; reach out to people who will empathise but be constructive. This minimises the risk of falling into a boredom bitchfest.
For, as the saying goes, ‘an idle mind is the devil’s playground’. Structure is essential if you are likely to be led astray. Summer is party season, don’t forget. But you can have too many good things…
If necessary, make a commitment to a friend that you’ll set a daily target for yourself and check in with them to say you’ve done it. I use this technique for things I don’t want to do because the prospect of disappointing someone I care about beats my procrastinating tendencies.
My day job is with incarcerated populations who are the ninjas of mastering boredom and making it work for them. They have lost their freedom and autonomy, are constantly supervised and have someone like me around them 24/7. Sometimes they are even locked up for 23 hours a day.
We had to find ways to beat boredom on twelve hour shifts locked up together. So I’m going to return to the advice that one of these legendary gentlemen gave to me. He had spent nine years adjusting to boredom. I noticed he planned his days effectively and asked him how he had managed it.
In a nutshell, it came down to him realising he was going to be there for a while and getting something out of it that would help him move forward. He looked at the bigger picture and set himself some achievable goals. He then found out what was around him he could access and scheduled regular activities from there, so he was confident he had something constructive to do every day.
For example, he found meditating worked for him. He had become excellent at crossword puzzles because they kept his mind sharp. He volunteered in the site shop every week and went to any other activity that appealed to him. His tip was to try and treat this time like a working week and to balance ‘work’ with more fun stuff, exercise and downtime.
I don’t necessarily mean you have to have a rigid timetable if that’s too much like school. It could be more like a creative visualisation or a mood-board about what you’d like your ideal summer to look like. That’s the bigger picture I was talking about. This will help to create the kind of positive energy that manifests opportunities.
You can use Pinterest for this. Check out free mood board apps as well and Word Swag to add text to your visuals (it also has lots of free images you can use). You may have other friends who share this vibe and come up with some collaborative ideas for shared projects or activities. You may be a more detail oriented thinker - but in either case, the shape of weeks and days fall into place once you’ve looked it in the face.
As this gent advised me, balance and variety are key. Try to focus on things you like doing or have never done before. When I needed a break from ward work (due to my own boredom and near burnout ) I did a cleaning job there because I am an active individual and hate sitting still (unless I’m writing). I was always tidying up and the head housekeeper hired me. I found out I loved cleaning and was good at it.
Now it’s paying bills while I’m waiting for my new job to start. It’s also giving me exercise and daily structure. Paid work of any kind that’s legal and you can get to under your own steam is great for boosting self confidence and self worth. It wasn’t until I did hourly paid work that I learned the value of my time, if that makes sense. You also find out what you are willing/not willing to do in the future.
Many things wait at your doorstep without you realising. Connecting with local scenes is a great way of finding activities that don’t cost anything, boost your future CV and tap you into local networks and help you find new friends. Try your local library as a starting point or check out notice boards in shop windows or listings mags to see what’s going on. Community websites are another useful resource.
My interest in charity shops (thrift stores) led to an unexpected opportunity. I was a regular at my local vintage clothes store to feed my clothes habit on a less than ideal salary. which. I was headhunted to model for a sustainable fashion show and now volunteer there weekly, which has the add-on benefit of supporting the local homeless and has led to me making new friends and feeling part of something that aligns with my values. And my wardrobe has benefited, too. I’ve also gained a new skill-set in retail.
Instagram is another great resource for opportunities. If you are creative, check out submission call-outs for writing or artwork. There are ‘zines (like the Incognito Press!) and groups that cater for every interest and age-group conceivable. You may find you have a talent for editing and land yourself a position, as I have, simply by filling in an online form because an opportunity caught your eye.
I believe that we all have the answers within us as to what holds the key to our personal success and self-actuation. This may not feel like it right now, but it’s potentially a time when you have the luxury to find out what makes you tick. Some in-depth personality quizzes might pass some time and give you some insight into your goals and values. You are never too old to learn about your strengths and areas to work on.
Develop your CV if you get a chance, too. If you’re planning to study in the future, start as you mean to go on and check out free online tuition and courses. Lots of universities offer these. So does Audible. If you’re in the UK, Learning Curve Group and Social Care TV have free vocational courses and training which can help you find work or develop areas of interest.
If you haven’t got a pet and yearn for one, charities like the Cinnamon Trust seek volunteer dog-walkers for housebound older people.
So, try and treat this summer as what my Gestalt therapist called an ‘experiment’. Make sure you spend some time every day out of the house and off the couch. Recently, working from home (which I am not a fan of because I get stuck in my head and it makes me negative) taught me this. Likewise, filling the day with work/life activities that align with your personal values is time well spent, even if it feels daunting now.
Thank you for the chance to address this question. It’s based on the realization about what I wished I had done more of when I had too much time on my hands and not enough confidence to be myself. But I got there! I wish you lots of luck in your journey and would love to hear how you got on!
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This piece was written by one of our advice and astrology columnists.
Reach them at @DrKMC on Instagram!
This piece was edited by one of our editors, Willow.
Reach them at @oldmanheart on Instagram!
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