The Rejection Email I Couldn’t Stop Reading
Written by Katelyn Wright, one of our advice writers, and edited by Stephanie O., our editor-in-chief!
I’m not a competitive person. Not to say I’ve never been invested in a game, but when it comes down to life, I take a different approach. I’ve always believed that what’s meant for you will find you, and that’s rang true every year of my life. Except for this one.
It started when I graduated college. While most people were worried about their future careers, I was more scared of the thousands of people in the stands at the ceremony. I remember texting one of my best friends right before walking out, “I’m so scared, I can’t go out there.” I did, but I looked at my feet the whole time, and when I finally made it out of the stadium, I felt like I could breathe again. The only thing that scared me was all those eyes that I felt were watching me (even if they weren’t), but I finally had the piece of paper that I worked my whole life for! I was ready to take on the world, one entry-level position at a time. I thought I would be able to transition into this phase of my life as smoothly as I had into the others. I moved home, went on a graduation trip, and then moved 6 hours away from my hometown to sunny Southern California.
For context, I’ve spent years of my childhood and adolescence wishing for the future. I wanted the freedom and independence that came with adulthood, and I wasn’t worried about the responsibilities. As Faith Hill once said, “They tell her life is hard/She says that’s alright.” I’d lie in my bed at night, my favorite albums on repeat, and visualize the life I would have step-by-step. As a self-described overachiever, my solution when things got hard was to work harder. This motto became my ticket to success (although I still have trouble defining that term) and for the better part of my life, I’ve been able to strong-arm the universe into giving into my plans. Patience is a virtue I’ve yet to master.
On the third week of my post-graduation move, I was still unemployed (apparently you can be simultaneously overqualified and underqualified), living in an apartment infested with fleas, and now was strapped with a 60-month car payment on a cherry red 2015 Prius after my old car blew a gasket. Life was coming at me fast, and I was not rising to the challenge. I clung to the promises of recruiters and analyzed the tone of interviewers. “She told me the process ‘won’t be much longer.’ Does that mean she’s going to hire me or not?” I get attached in a split second, to men, to career ideas, to the colors of my future house. Instead of my life branching out around me a la Silvia Plath, it feels like the vines of my promised future are threatening to wrap around my feet and stagnate me, forcing roots to be put down.
On that third Friday, my saving grace came in the form of a phone screening. It was for an administrative assistant position, but there was potential. Not only was the company well established, but I was enthused with the sheer amount of networking opportunities. The recruiter and I hit it off, and I was sure I’d move on to the next step. In the meantime, I went into full attachment mode. You can only imagine how distraught I was when I didn’t get the job and instead received a politely written rejection email. I read it once, then again, and again, my stomach churning the entire time. Anytime I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn’t good enough, I scrolled through my inbox to find the email.
When we have nothing else going for us, we hang on to the small things to prove our negative self-worth back to us. I had spent my whole life focusing only on the things that I was good at in the hopes of destroying any self-doubt. So, when I didn’t like what I saw reflected in the mirror, or my plans didn’t come to fruition, or a relationship didn’t work I took it as a permanent failure which was not only detrimental to myself, but also the people around me. Fearing rejection only holds you back, and the unwillingness to potentially subject yourself to embarrassment means living a life of forced apathy. On the other hand, the inability to move on from rejection and failure means potentially missing out on a lifetime of opportunities and experiences. Rejection is painful, whether it’s from someone else or yourself. Ruminating on it isn’t going to change the situation, but rather plant seeds that you’ll spend a lifetime trying to dig up. Your time, energy, and creativity are precious, and you should hold value in yourself and what you’re capable of creating.
Life is like hormonal acne; you simply need time for things to become clear.
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This piece was written by one of our advice writers, Katelyn Wright. Reach her at @katekatewrig on Twitter.
This piece was edited by our editor-in-chief, Stephanie O.
