January 2024 Advice Column: How do I deal with my first heartbreak?
Written by Shraddha, one of our advice columnists, and edited by Harley, one of our editors!
“Dear Advice Columnist,
How do I deal with my first heartbreak?”
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Dear heartbroken,
I am truly sorry to learn that your heart was broken. I hope you are doing well, and still finding meaning in life around you…
To be honest, no words can help ease the pain of a broken heart. Nothing works, except for ice-cream sometimes… So I’m sorry that this happened to you. But you know what the good part is? It happens to everyone.
There is something special and something utterly magical about sharing your heart with someone, a person, a friend, a lover, or even a pet. It changes us, it heals us, and we are never the same after experiencing something so powerful, so beautiful as love. If your heart was broken, my friend, I’d like to congratulate you, because a broken heart is a sign of a heart that experienced the magic of love, the kind of love which is pure and divine and powerful enough to make miracles happen. I’d like to congratulate you because even if the pain is unbearable right now, in the future, you will remember this experience of sharing your heart and your love, and being vulnerable with someone.
I won’t insist you move on, because heartbreaks are difficult to deal with, and often they take a long time to pass, so take as much time as you need to deal with it. Sit with it, sit with the emotions you’re feeling, let it in and then let it pass. Everything passes, pain too. But the experience of loving someone will stay with you in your memories forever. And that’s what matters the most for us human beings; silly little creatures on a tiny little planet who need love, who want love, and who are often scared to love. So congratulations on getting over your inherent fear to love in the first place, that one fear that cripples us and keeps us from loving another being, from sharing our heart, from letting someone truly see ourselves, and letting them into our hearts.
One of my favourite poets, Rumi once said; “You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.”
You heart was broken, you will heal with time, and you will grow, and evolve, and love again, and maybe experience hurt again sometime, and your heart will continue to break and heal and shatter at times, and then heal again, until you get to have a heart full of beauty and love, one that is a mosaic of your lost pieces of the heart, some new pieces, some new love, some old love, your heart will be a mosaic of everything you have experienced, and that will be your art. It does take time, it should take time, but in my eyes, you are already an artist, and your art is your own life, full of enriching experiences, experiences of love, pain, heartbreak and healing...
That being said, there are some things that do work well in helping ease the pain. If your heart was broken, you need to feel love again, so make some friends, by friends I mean furry friends. Pet some dogs and play with some cats, maybe hold pups and kittens in your hands until their purrs help heal your broken heart, until the wagging of the tail of a tiny puppy makes you melt, and you eventually break down, crying, feeling everything, and knowing in that moment, that love will always return, in one way or another, it’s just a matter of time. Look into their eyes and know that there is so much love in the world that it can never elude us. And when you’re ready for love again, trust me, it will come to you, maybe not in the way you expected (maybe you are heartbroken after a breakup but the Universe brought you a tiny kitten)... Be ready to be surprised, be willing to explore life, and experience love, and when it comes to you, in whichever form it comes to you, accept it.
Carry your pain with pride, as it is the mark of a heart that has known love.
Nobody has a perfect heart, and my friend, who wants a perfect heart anyway?
With love from
Another broken heart
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This piece was written by one of our writers, Shraddha. Reach her at @shraddhagulati_ on Instagram!
This piece was edited by one of our editors, Harley. Reach him at @ha.rleyn, on Instagram!
